26 EXT. THE BAR - NIGHT 26
Dennis walks with Staci, down to her car.
STACI
Don't let it get you down. A lot of
girls would have loved that date.
DENNIS
Thanks.
STACI
No one's ever taken me someplace
really nice like that.
She loads the statement with heavy innuendo, but it goes
right past Dennis.
DENNIS
I'll give Mick the number.
They reach Staci's car. She pulls out an business card for
the Bar and writes on the back.
STACI
Here, just in case, I'll give you
my number. You don't have to call,
I mean you might not even like me--
DENNIS
Um, Mick's my friend and...
STACI
It's OK. It was just one date, and
besides, guys like him don't
usually call me again.
She hands him the card.
STACI (cont'd)
I hope you do. It's totally up to
you though.
Dennis and Staci share a smile.
27 INT. THE BAR - NIGHT 27
Mick and Audrey sit next to each other at the bar.
MICK
Now then, what do you suppose
happened there?
AUDREY
Well, it seemed to me that your
girlfriend took a liking to Dennis.
MICK
My girlfriend? Nah. We went out
once, but we're not serious.
AUDREY
Serious enough to fuck her though.
Mick almost does a spit take.
MICK
Ah, we hit it off, had some...
Audrey smiles, glad she's got Mick uncomfortable.
AUDREY
Chemistry? Do you always expect to
sleep with a girl on the first
date?
MICK
No... sometimes yes, No... yes --
Ah, why do you ask?
AUDREY
Well, if I'm going to let you buy
me margaritas and enchiladas, I
want you to realize that I'm by no
means a sure thing.
She seductively finishes her beer. There's a ton of heat
between them, and Mick is starting to sweat. He steels
himself.
MICK
Ah, Dennis is a friend of mine...
AUDREY
He's a nice guy. But I won't be
going out with him again. There
wasn't any...
She brushes her hand across his arm, and he watches her
fingers trail to his hand.
MICK
...Chemistry?
AUDREY
You let me know what you decide.
She drifts toward the door, eyes locked on Mick. She doesn't
even see Dennis walk back in as she leaves. Mick can't take
his eyes off the door.
Dennis sits back down at the bar, looking perplexed.
SUNNY
Somethin' wrong Den.
DENNIS
I think Staci just asked me out.
SUNNY
Damn, you work fast.
DENNIS
I don't know if she's my type.
Mick is distracted, still thinking about Audrey.
MICK
That's exactly why you should go
out with her.
DENNIS
She's a singer in a band for God
sake.
MICK
You're not shopping for a wife
here. Date singers, drummers,
fucking tatoo artists. Have some
fun!
Mick gets up.
MICK (cont'd)
I got to do something.
He heads out the door.
SUNNY
Call her.
DENNIS
I couldn't. (beat) Could I?
BUCK
You wouldn't catch me second
guessing a body like that.
DENNIS
But I'm an accountant, what would a
girl like that see in me?
BUCK
Every chick I ever asked said
(mocking girl voice) "All I want is
to meet a nice guy who knows how to
listen." (back to Buck gruff)
That's you in spades, D.
Dennis nods.
SUNNY
That's because they're lying.
DENNIS
What?
SUNNY
They're lying to you and to
themselves. Their insides may say
that, but I guarantee you every
chick who says it has turned down
five dates from nice guys this
week. They all want the tough
lawless loners only she can tame.
BUCK
Works for me.
They shoot Buck a look.
SUNNY
They cream their jeans for a tough
guy, then complain to their
girlfriends that he never listens.
DENNIS
I'm supposed to compete with that?
BUCK
I say bang 'em all and see who
sticks around.
SUNNY
You just got to find a girl who's
insides match yours.
DENNIS
How?
BUCK
Bang 'em all and see who sticks
around.
DISSOLVE TO:
28 INT. DENNIS' APARTMENT - NIGHT 28
Dennis is staring at the card with Staci's number on it.
He flips the card over to the front. The words "Mick Jones
Proprietor" leap out at him. Dennis sighs.
He flips it back to see Staci's name written with a heart
dotting the "i". He takes a deep breath.
Dennis reaches for the phone and his hand knocks a picture of
Rosalyn off the table.
He snatches it out of the air while dropping the card. The
photo "stares" at him.
DENNIS
You shut up.
He puts the picture back, picks up the card with Staci's
number, and the phone RINGS, startling him.
DENNIS (cont'd)
CRAP!
He picks up the phone.
DENNIS (cont'd)
Hello?
STACI (V.O.)
Hello? Dennis?
DENNIS
Staci?
29 INT. STACI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 29
STACI
Yep! Hi!
DENNIS (V.O.)
Oh! I was just going to call you,
that's weird.
30 INTERCUT DENNIS AND STACY ON THE PHONE 30
STACI
So you were thinking about me?
Dennis puts the framed photo face down.
DENNIS
Uh, yeah, I guess I was. Hey,
where'd you get my number?
STACI
I asked Mick for it.
DENNIS
The whole you, me and Mick thing is
still a little weird.
STACI
Hey, don't sweat it. He's nice, if
a bit vainglorious
DENNIS
What?
STACI
Umm, so what about me and you?
DENNIS
You and I?
STACI
Sure, "YOU AND I". You were
thinking about me...
DENNIS
What? How do you know that?
STACI
You told me so just now.
Staci's bright, chipper and perky attitude is growing on
Dennis, drawing him out of his hole.
DENNIS
OK, you've got me there.
Staci laughs.
STACI
You're smiling! You are!
Dennis laughs.
STACI (cont'd)
I've seen your smile at the bar.
It's a good smile. Real.
DENNIS
Real?
STACI
Sure, Real. Honest.
There's a brief pause, Dennis is glowing from the flattery,
she's nailing him hard.
STACI (cont'd)
So, how about tomorrow? If you want
to go out with me, that is...
DENNIS
No, I mean, yes. How's dinner?
STACI
Great! How about picking me up at
the bar around seven? I'm really
looking forward to it!
DENNIS
Me too...
STACI
Bye.
DENNIS
Bye.
Dennis hangs up the phone, still grinning like an idiot. He
turns the picture back face up.
DENNIS (cont'd)
That was easy.
31 INT. THE BAR - NIGHT 31
Dennis and Mick sit at the bar. Dennis is dressed up in a new
"stylish" suit. He fidgets with his clothes. Buck sits in his
usual spot.
DENNIS
I appreciate you helping me with
the new suit, but I feel a little
strange.
He pulls his shirt sleeve out too far from the jacket and
Mick grabs him.
MICK
It'd be fine if you'd just go with
it. You're too uptight.
Mick notices some white make up on Dennis' hand.
MICK (cont'd)
Den! Did you beat up a clown?
DENNIS
No -- He fell and I helped him up.
MICK
You tripped him.
DENNIS
Maybe. You can't tell with those
big feet.
MICK
You can't beat up clowns.
SUNNY
Yes he can.
BUCK
Ought to be required.
Sunny and Buck laugh.
MICK
You can't go around tripping random
guys in white make-up.
DENNIS
Hey! I've got nothing against
mimes.
MICK
How are you going to get over
what's her name if you don't let
this go?
BUCK
I'd punch a mime.
DENNIS
I need a beer. What's the special?
Sunny hands him a beer.
SUNNY
Arrogant Bastard. Made in North
County.
DENNIS
Thank you.
Dennis drinks and turns back to Mick.
DENNIS (cont'd)
Are you sure you're OK with me and
Staci?
MICK
I'm OK with you and Staci as long
as you're OK with me going out with
Audrey tonight.
Dennis chokes and sputters to control himself, a dollar
passes between Buck and Sunny, unseen by Dennis.
DENNIS
Wh... What?
Mick looks a little sheepish.
BUCK
Rules man. You can't stake any sort
of claim on anybody 'til the third
date.
SUNNY
Which is why...
BUCK
You've never seen Mick go out with
anyone more than twice.
DENNIS
What rule is that? I don't know
that rule.
MICK
Nobody lays claim to...
Mick stops. His eyes widen and he smiles a huge grin.
The guys turn to look, and Buck whistles a long and slow WOLF
WHISTLE.
Staci is seriously decked out, hair all done up, painted
nails, wearing a dress to kill. Revealing - well, a lot. She
knows she looks deadly tonight.
As she walks by Buck, she reaches out and closes his gaping
mouth, teasing him, he leans toward her, sniffing her wrist.
BUCK
Hommina.
He falls off his stool. Staci, not missing a step, stops in
front of Dennis and Mick.
STACI
Hello, Boys.
DENNIS
Wow.
MICK
You bastard, I was going to say
that.
DENNIS
Wow.
STACI
(to Dennis)
You ready?
DENNIS
Wow.
Mick digs into his pocket and fishes out his keys. He gives
them to Dennis, who snaps out of it.
MICK
You cannot, I repeat, can not, take
a woman who looks like this to a
restaurant in a mini-van. It isn't
allowed.
Mick hands Dennis his keys.
MICK (cont'd)
Seriously Den, take the 'vette.
Gimme your keys.
DENNIS
Thanks.
Dennis hands his keys to Mick.
MICK
No problem. Be careful now.
DENNIS
It's OK, I have great insurance.
MICK
I wasn't talking about the car.
Dennis makes a show of offering his arm to Staci, who
graciously accepts.
DENNIS
Shall we?
Staci nods, and they wave to the guys as they walk out. Buck
reaches over and takes Dennis' unfinished beer.
BUCK
Dibs.
Mick sits back down. The guys all go back to idle chatter as
a couple of people come and go. Audrey rushes in.
AUDREY
Do you know someone just drove off
in your car?
MICK
I know. It was necessary. I got us
covered.
He JINGLES Dennis' keys.
32 INT. PARK MANOR RESTAURANT - NIGHT 32
Back at the same nice restaurant as Dennis' previous date.
Only music from a string quartet is heard in this scene.
Dennis pulls out Staci's chair and she sits. The WAITER tries
to hand them menus but Dennis waives him off, ordering from
memory. Staci's impressed.
33 INT. LIAR'S CLUB RESTAURANT - NIGHT 33
Rock & Roll blasts as Mick and Audrey flop into their booth.
The WAITER hands them stained paper menus.
36 INTERCUT - PARK MANOR AND LIAR'S CLUB - SIMULTANEOUS 36
Each scene has its accompanying music.
PARK MANOR - The waiter pulls the lid off of Staci's meal and
her eyes go wide.
LIAR'S CLUB - The waitress brings Mick the super size plate
of nachos. Then she brings Audrey the super duper size. It's
twice the size of Mick's.
PARK MANOR - Dennis feeds Staci a fork full from his plate.
She closes her eyes and makes an ecstatic face.
LIAR'S CLUB - Mick pounds his Margarita and pours another one
from the pitcher. He tries to top off Audrey's but she's
hardly touched it.
37 INT. PARK MANOR RESTAURANT - NIGHT 37
Dennis and Stacey have just finished dinner. The waiter
scrapes the last of the crumbs from the empty table. They're
both still a little nervous.
DENNIS
..all of it. Gone. Even the pizza
cutter, which is why... Ah, sorry.
I'm talking too much again.
STACI
No, it's fine, really!
DENNIS
You sure, it's just that I SO blew
it last time, I want to be sure I'm
not taking control of dinner, or--
Staci interrupts, waving him quiet.
STACI
No, really. I'm having a great
time.
The dessert tray wheels up, with a dozen 50,000 calorie
desserts.
WAITER
May I interest you in dessert?
STACI
My God, I'm dead and gone to
heaven.
Staci points at a monster cake slab.
STACI (cont'd)
What is that?
WAITER
Ah, a Park Manor speciality. We
call it the Black Hole a la Cocoa.
So dense, chocolate cannot escape
from it.
STACI
It's sex, masquerading as pastry.
WAITER
Exactly.
Staci and Dennis trade a glance.
DENNIS
Well, I'm guessing it'll be the
chocolate cake then. Can we split
it, or am I going to pull back a
stump if I try?
STACI
(suggestively)
I'll eat yours.
38 INT. LIAR'S CLUB RESTAURANT - NIGHT 38
Audrey and Mick are both at the bottom of their Nachos, and
in the middle of conversation.
AUDREY
...The fire's roaring under the
truck, and this is not a new diesel
truck it's one of the old gas
powered jobs. So I jump in and put
the hammer down.
MICK
Wow.
AUDREY
Yeah, well, I ended up in a ditch,
and they had to scrap the truck,
but at least it didn't blow.
She holds up her glass in mock toast and downs it.
MICK
I'll bet that truck can't perform
like that mean street machine we're
in tonight.
AUDREY
You can't be serious. It's a mommy
van.
MICK
Hey, it has some decent pick up...
for what it is I mean.
AUDREY
I guess... Hey, you ever want a
real thrill ride, you should try an
ambulance.
MICK
Yeah?
39 INT. PARK MANOR - NIGHT 39
Dennis and Staci stare at each other through candle light.
STACI
I just wanted to sing. My Dad made
me get the degree, most guys see
the boobs and the blond hair and
think airhead.
DENNIS
And you let them.
This is too much insight for Staci, who changes the subject.
STACI
You know, there are people who say
chocolate is an aphrodisiac.
DENNIS
Is that a fact, or just a theory?
STACI
Just a theory at this point.
DENNIS
Hmmm, how are we going to prove
this theory?
STACI
I think we need to apply the
scientific method here.
DENNIS
Lots of Research.
STACI
Research?
DENNIS
Research.
STACI
Thorough deep probing research?
DENNIS
Yes, and experiments.
STACI
Experiments?
DENNIS
Experiments. Wouldn't want to come
to any premature conclusions.
Staci tisks.
STACI
Oh, I hope not. I think we'll need
to make sure our findings are
repeatable.
The waiter arrives with the cake and places it between them.
They hardly notice, riveted on each other as they are.
STACI (cont'd)
If you're very good...
She slowly and seductively dabs the frosting and licks it
from her finger.
STACI (cont'd)
I might let you document my data.
Dennis blushes, he was joking. Staci's deadly serious.
40 INT. LIAR'S CLUB RESTAURANT - NIGHT 40
Audrey has topped every story Mick's had tonight.
MICK
You know bar fights, broken glass,
blood, puke.
AUDREY
You ever held in a guys scull
together so his brains wouldn't
fall out. It's a trip.
MICK
Another Margarita?
Audrey considers it, then shakes her head.
AUDREY
No, I think I'm good. I have to
work tomorrow.
MICK
Hung-over in a burning building
doesn't sound enjoyable?
AUDREY
I'd just as soon not find out.
MICK
When do you get off tomorrow? You
should stop by the bar.
AUDREY
Can't, we work 48 hour shifts. But
I can come by Friday night.
MICK
You should. We're having Funky
Spunk.
Audrey looks at him with that confused dog head cocked
sideways look.
MICK (cont'd)
Staci's band. They're actually
pretty good.
AUDREY
Yeah, I like her. She seems fun.
Mick speaks without really thinking.
MICK
She's a real wild child.
AUDREY
Really? Second thoughts?
MICK
No! Sorry, that was awful. I didn't
mean it that way.
AUDREY
Yes you did. You just didn't mean
to say it out loud.
Audrey laughs. Mick takes a second, and laughs too, sensing
that she's cool with it.
MICK
Nailed.
AUDREY
You think they're having fun? He
took her to that same place, you
know.
MICK
Staci could have fun at a wake. The
question is, is Denno having fun?
41 INT. DENNIS' BEDROOM - NIGHT 41
It's dark, but there's enough light to see Dennis and Staci
writhing under the covers. His head (the big one) is
obviously between her legs.
She bucks, and has a tremendous, VOCAL, orgasm. Dennis slides
up, and they kiss while Staci tries to catch her breath.
STACI
Oh my god... That was amazing. Why
would a woman leave a man who can
go down like that?
Dennis chuckles.
DENNIS
She never knew.
STACI
What?
DENNIS
She didn't like it. Sex for us was
missionary position, one shot,
every Saturday night at ten.
STACI
You're exaggerating.
DENNIS
You're right. We also did it on
Birthdays and Anniversaries as late
as eleven.
Staci laughs.
STACI
Her loss... You're a natural.
Dennis blushes.
DENNIS
Actually, it's the lessons.
STACI
Lessons?
DENNIS
Lessons.
STACI
Where did you get lessons?
DENNIS
At my brother's bachelor party.
Staci stops nibbling on Dennis neck and sits up.
STACI
Hold on. Your brother gave you...
She points "down there"
DENNIS
Actually no, the strippers did.
STACI
The strippers?
DENNIS
Lesbian strippers. They were all
over each other; I think they were
friends.
STACI
They'd have to be.
DENNIS
No, I mean friends of the guy
throwing this party. Anyway, they
got seriously into it.
STACI
You asked the two lesbian strippers
having hard-core sex on your
brother's living room floor for
tips and hints?
DENNIS
Totally. It turned into a twisted
sort of classroom situation. She
showed us how to hold our hands,
where to put pressure...
Staci's head tips like she's tasting a fine wine.
STACI
Well, whoever they are, they should
do an HBO special.
Dennis laughs. Licks her breast, belly, and moves on down
under the covers.
DENNIS
I'm just glad I remember after all
this time. "Pinch the house, and
lick the roof".
Staci stops him.
STACI
Hold it, A student, you never
fooled around on her? You guys were
married like, nine years right?
DENNIS
Eleven, And no, I never cheated.
Never occurred to me.
Staci pulls him back face to face, and looks at him softly.
STACI
Wow. A decent guy.
DENNIS
I guess, but I'm sure there are
lots of decent guys out there.
STACI
You have no idea how wrong you are.
Dennis is blushing again. Staci flips Dennis back onto the
bed, climbing on top of him, and going down.
STACI (cont'd)
I think, I'll have to show you a
little trick I learned from "Fast
times at Ridgemont High".
Dennis sighs loudly.
DENNIS
Oh my god--