42 EXT. AUDREY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 42
Audrey opens her door, and Mick is leaning against the frame,
setting himself up to get invited in.
AUDREY
Well, thanks. I had a great night.
I'm already looking forward to
Friday.
MICK
Me too. So, do you have to get up
early?
Audrey gives him a look, and Mick puts up his hands in
surrender.
MICK (cont'd)
Hey, can't blame a guy for trying
can you?
AUDREY
C'mere.
He leans in, and they share a kiss, hands roaming, long and
lingering. It's Audrey who breaks free of the embrace.
AUDREY (cont'd)
But I really do have to get up
early tomorrow.
MICK
That's such a shame.
Audrey gives Mick a cute smile.
AUDREY
But I do get to sleep in Saturday.
MICK
Well then, play your cards right,
and I'll make you breakfast.
AUDREY
You can cook?
MICK
No, but I can wake up before you,
run down to the corner diner, get
food, and lie convincingly.
AUDREY
I bet you can.
MICK
Friday night then?
AUDREY
Sure.
MICK
Great.
There's an awkward pause, and Mick leans in giving her a
final quick peck.
MICK (cont'd)
See you then. Good Night.
AUDREY
'Night.
Audrey goes inside and closes the door. Mick stands outside
the door a few seconds, just staring. He shakes himself, and
walks away, smile on his face.
DISSOLVE TO:
43 INT. THE BAR - NIGHT 43
The bar is busy, and all the regulars are there. Buck, Mick,
Dennis, and Audrey. Funky Spunk is finishing a set. Dennis'
ring is missing from the corkboard.
The phone RINGS. Sunny answers it.
SUNNY
Hello?
DENNIS
Is that her?
Sunny shakes her head no
SUNNY
(into phone)
Yes, I said three keg's.
BUCK
What's with him?
Dennis gulps his beer, and twiddles his wedding ring.
MICK
The Ex is calling tonight, about
the divorce.
BUCK
Let me talk to the clown hag. I'll
handle it.
DENNIS
Oh yeah, that'll help.
Sunny hangs up and gives Dennis another beer.
MICK
Den, you have moved on, you've got
to assert yourself.
BUCK
Tell her you're banging a chick
from the bar. Show her who's got
the big feet.
AUDREY
Hard to believe, but he has a
point.
DENNIS
What?
AUDREY
Maybe not in so many words but
she's got it coming.
MICK
Just make sure I'm there, Den.
DENNIS
Why?
MICK
If you fuck up, somebody's got to
hit Abort.
Staci comes over to chat between songs. She sits gingerly on
the stool next to Dennis, he puts his ring in his pocket. She
pounds a bottled water.
STACI
It's first, next set. So listen up.
DENNIS
That's so cool. Did you hear that
guys? I'm the subject of a song.
BUCK
That's great news man. I think
tradition calls for you buying a
round.
DENNIS
God Buck, you are such a "free
drink" whore.
BUCK
Yes I am. I also think the word
whore has gotten a bad rap. We
should give the word more respect.
I think we're all whores in a way.
Don't you?
The GIRL sitting alone next to Buck HUFFS, gets up, and walks
away.
MICK
I think you say things like that
just to piss people off. Then they
walk away, you snag their drink.
BUCK
I do not "snag". I call dibs.
(loud) DIBS.
He grabs her drink.
BUCK (cont'd)
Dibs is a long standing American
tradition. The word "dibs" is
interesting you know--
Dennis stops him.
DENNIS
If I buy a round, will you let up?
BUCK
Sure. I may be a whore, but I know
when I've been paid.
STACI
Hey, Audrey. I'm going to the
girls' room. Want to join me?
AUDREY
Sure.
The girls walk to the bathroom.
BUCK
That's not what you use the girls'
room for eh, Mick.
DENNIS
What?
MICK
Oh, it's nothing.
SUNNY
Urban legend.
DENNIS
What's he talking about?
MICK
When you're ready, I'll tell you,
my son.
44 INT. GIRLS ROOM - NIGHT 44
Staci fixes her makeup in the mirror, Audrey leans against
the towel rack There's a chalkboard on the wall, covered in
random sayings.
AUDREY
So, is it really twelve inches?
STACI
No, but it's not bad. I'm telling
you, the guy has years of pent up
sexual tension, which as it turns
out is a good thing.
Audrey laughs.
AUDREY
I'm glad you guys are hitting it
off. He's a really nice guy, just
not what I want right now.
45 BACK AT THE BAR 45
Mick nudges.
MICK
So, do you like her?
DENNIS
Yeah, I do. A lot actually. She's a
lot deeper than you'd think.
MICK
Really?
DENNIS
Really. How about you? Have fun?
MICK
Had a great time. Talked up a
storm. Didn't drop her off 'til
midnight.
BUCK
"Dropped her off"?
MICK
Yeah, that's what I said. Dropped
off.
Buck shakes his head and looks down.
BUCK
Damn, I never thought this day
would come.
46 INT. THE GIRL'S BATHROOM - NIGHT 46
Staci has finished her face.
AUDREY
You know what I mean, c'mon...
Staci shakes her head.
AUDREY (cont'd)
A guy like Dennis is a keeper. You
can't just casually date a guy like
him. He's grounded, considerate,
trustworthy.
STACI
All the things you look for in a
guy to what? Settle down with.
AUDREY
Exactly.
STACI
Unlike Mick.
AUDREY
Totally unlike Mick. He's a fun
guy, but not the kind you seriously
fall in love with. You can go out,
screw him, and not worry that
you'll hurt his feelings. He's a
lifelong player. I oughta know.
STACI
Yeah, I guess I just never thought
about it like that.
AUDREY
Here's an example. When you and he
hooked up last week...
Staci pretends a "What, me?" look. Audrey laughs.
AUDREY (cont'd)
Please, spare me.
47 BACK AT THE BAR 47
Sunny nudges Buck.
SUNNY
Did I hear that right? I figure I
didn't. Did he say dropped off?
Buck fakes a deep moroseness.
BUCK
Can't... Talk...
SUNNY
You tell me then.
Dennis is confused.
DENNIS
What? He dropped her off?
Dennis suddenly gets it, and whirls to Mick. Speaking a bit
too loud
DENNIS (cont'd)
You didn't sleep with her!
Mick shushes him.
MICK
Shh! God, keep it down will ya'! So
I didn't sleep with her on the
first date! Big deal!
48 INT. THE GIRL'S BATHROOM - NIGHT 48
STACI
Like you didn't do him.
AUDREY
Actually, I didn't.
Staci gives her the "oh, come on" look.
AUDREY (cont'd)
Seriously. Sent him home packing
with nothing but a kiss to think
about.
STACI
Why? I thought you said you wanted--
AUDREY
Oh, I do. I just wanted to be sure
he knew who was in charge, and it's
driving him crazy.
Staci laughs.
49 BACK AT THE BAR 49
Dennis is a little drunk, he punches Mick in the shoulder,
and teases, keeping his voice down.
DENNIS
I got laid, and YOU didn't. Wow.
MICK
Sex isn't everything. What are you
guys, 16 fucking years old?
DENNIS
Seemed like it. I even skipped the
gym today, figuring I'm getting a
better workout anyways.
SUNNY
Jesus Mick, he sounds just like
you.
Dennis smiles big at this, thinking it's high praise. A dark
cloud crosses Mick's face.
Dennis talks in a deep, mocking Darth Vader like tone.
DENNIS
Once I was only the student. Now I
am the master.
MICK
Dennis, you're drunk, man. Listen
to me a second.
50 INT. THE GIRL'S BATHROOM - NIGHT 50
Staci's grilling Audrey.
STACI
So you deliberately got him all
fired up and sent him away, woody
in hand?
AUDREY
You should have seen his face. I
think actually heard something
snap.
STACI
That's got to be the first time any
girl ever turned him down.
Audrey blushes a little and laughs.
51 BACK AT THE BAR 51
Mick's dead serious. Dennis speaks in a lame British Obi-Wan
voice.
DENNIS
You're only a master of women
Darth...
MICK
Look man, snap out of it, OK?
You're not like me, you don't
fucking want to be me.
Dennis looks confused.
DENNIS
What? What did I do? I thought this
was mission accomplished.
Mick starts to speak, but the girls come out of the bathroom.
Staci waves and goes to the stage. Audrey joins the guys.
Audrey can see something's bothering Mick.
AUDREY
Hey, what's up?
Dennis sticks his tongue out at him in a joking drunk moron
sort of way.
MICK
'S nothing. Denno's just drunk.
Audrey looks at Dennis who smiles disarmingly. She can tell
there's more to it than that, but lets it drop.
AUDREY
OK.... So, what are you're plans
after...
The phone RINGS, Sunny picks it up. Staci takes the stage.
STACI
We're going to open this set with a
new one, that I wrote for a friend
of mine. I hope he likes it.
She smiles a big smile at Dennis, who toasts her with his
glass. He then downs it in one long drink.
DENNIS
Sunny! 'Nother!
Sunny comes up to Dennis and hands him the phone. The band
starts up.
SUNNY
(yelling to be heard)
It's for you! I think it's Rosalyn!
Dennis grabs the phone.
DENNIS
Hello, Mrs. Clown-Hag.
Dennis stabs his ring on his finger and darts behind the bar,
taking the hand-set with him.
Mick notices and casts a "what's up" to Sunny. Sunny makes
the international symbol for 'yammering' and points at the
phone, then Dennis.
Mick's eyes go wide, and he heads behind the bar, but he's
blocked by dancing patrons. Dennis is yelling into the phone,
one finger in his ear to hear better.
Staci's band is playing a song about meeting a nice guy.
She's at the mic, giving a great performance, her heart's
really in it.
Sunny has gone to serve someone else, and Mick is trying to
get her attention. He's motioning to hang up the phone, but
Sunny doesn't see.
DENNIS (cont'd)
(yelling, barely heard)
WHAT? .... YOU..... WELL... FINE.
Dennis is clearly agitated. Mick gets behind the bar and
tries to squeeze by Sunny. There isn't enough room.
Sunny tries to let Mick by, but it's too narrow.
MICK
HANG UP THE PHONE!
SUNNY
WHAT?
Audrey and Buck watch the awkward ballet from the other side
of the bar. Behind the bar Dennis is screaming into the
phone, drunk and totally oblivious to where he is.
DENNIS
I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!
Mick finally squeezes past Sunny. The Band is wrapping up the
song.
DENNIS (cont'd)
YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING?
The band stops. Staci looks to where Dennis was sitting to
see what he thought. Just as the applause die we hear
Dennis's voice booming across the bar.
DENNIS (cont'd)
I'M FUCKING A BIMBO I MET AT THE
BAR!
Everyone hears it. It echoes across the room. The place is
silent. Staci stands stunned on stage.
Mick slams his hand down on the cradle of the phone hanging
it up. Dennis spins around, suddenly remembering where he is.
Staci's face wells up with tears as she runs from the stage.
Dennis chases after her as she darts out the front door, but
the phone cord reels him back in.
DENNIS (cont'd)
(back into the phone)
Rosalyn? Hello?
The phone is dead. He turns in time to see Audrey running
after Staci. He blinks and staggers a bit, and notices
everyone at the bar staring at him.
DENNIS (cont'd)
CRAP!
Dennis rips his wedding ring from his finger and heaves it.
It bounces off a post, ricochets off a bottle and lands
unseen in a giant bag of peanuts behind the bar.
BUCK
Congratulations. You've done it.
You're the biggest asshole I know.
Buck toasts him with his beer. Dennis looks around for the
ring but it's gone.
DENNIS
Crap.
FADE TO BLACK:
52 INT. KICKBOXING GYM - DAY 52
WHAM! Mick is kicked across the face and goes down. Audrey
stands over him in Kickboxing gear.
AUDREY
Oh my God, Are you alright?
MICK
Yeah, I'm OK.
AUDREY
I thought you said you've done this
before.
MICK
What I meant was I'd seen every
episode of Kung Fu three times.
Audrey helps him to his feet. He straightens his headgear.
MICK (cont'd)
OK, I'm ready.
Audrey chuckles and Mick pops her with a gloved backhand
while her guard is down. She turns suddenly serious.
AUDREY
Time for your lesson, Grasshopper.
53 INT. THE BAR - DAY 53
Dennis is in the same spot as the night before. His head is
down on the bar, full glass in one hand, his keys in the
other. Buck and Sunny talk in hushed tones.
BUCK
Did he go home at all last night?
SUNNY
I saw Mick walk him out, but he was
here when I opened up this morning.
I have no idea how that happened.
Dennis JINGLES his keys.
SUNNY (cont'd)
Oh yeah he has a key for
emergencies 'cause he lives so
close.
BUCK
(indignant)
He has a key? I don't have a key.
SUNNY
Yeah, but until last night you were
the bar drunk and he was the
responsible one.
BUCK
I can accept that.
Dennis lifts his head.
DENNIS
I tried to call her last night to
apologize, but I was so drunk I
kept dialing wrong. I must have
apologized to half the area code.
BUCK
You've got to wait two days Den.
Everybody knows that.
SUNNY
The two day rule is bullshit.
BUCK
The two day rule is gospel. If you
call back the next day you seem to
eager, three days and they think
you don't care. Two days is
perfect.
DENNIS
Buck, I called her a Bimbo in front
of the whole bar. She already
thinks I don't care.
54 INT. KICKBOXING GYM - DAY 54
Mick ducks a punch from Audrey and jabs her in the gut.
MICK
Hah, one point for Grasshopper.
Audrey slams him to the mat with a backward spinning
roundhouse kick.
AUDREY
Good, now that you have the hang of
this I don't have to take it easy
on you anymore.
Mick climbs back to his feet.
MICK
When you said you wanted our
relationship to get more physical
this isn't what I had in mind.
She punches him repeatedly to the stomach, and does a leg
sweep. Mick goes down again. She stands over him.
AUDREY
If you can't handle this then maybe
you can't handle... Whoop!
Mick sweeps her legs out and she falls on top of him. He puts
her in a half-nelson and rolls over on top of her.
MICK
I was county champ in wrestling.
Just as she's about to be pinned she puts him in a scissor
leg hold and rolls over on top of him.
AUDREY
My brother was state champ.
Mick reverses the hold and ends up on top and between her
legs, and pins her.
MICK
Give him a call and I'll pin his
ass too.
He lays a big kiss on her.
AUDREY
Kinky.
55 INT. THE BAR - DAY 55
Dennis is now upright. Sunny and Buck are laughing.
SUNNY
You got a date?
DENNIS
Yeah, one of the wrong numbers. I
explained how sorry I was and she
completely understood.
BUCK
She understood?
DENNIS
Well she didn't yell and ask me if
I knew how late it was.
SUNNY
So you asked her out.
DENNIS
She's meeting me here for drinks
tonight, if she's a total loser I
can just not call her back. In fact
I can't call her back because I
called her by accident.
BUCK
Den, we can already establish she's
a loser.
DENNIS
How?
SUNNY
Because she said yes to a date with
a guy who called her in the middle
of the night drunk off his ass,
trying to apologize for being an
asshole.
BUCK
And yet she said yes to a date with
that guy. She's damaged.
SUNNY
And do you know how girls like that
get damaged?
BUCK
They get called Bimbos in front of
all their friends by guys like you.
56 INT. MICK'S BEDROOM - DAY 56
WHAM! Mick lands with Audrey hard on the bed, She wears a cut
off Sam's Gym t-shirt. He's only got his socks on.
She has him in a leg scissor but, he's doesn't mind now. He
thrusts and her head hits the headboard, BANG. A few more
thrusts then BANG, BANG, BANG.
AUDREY
Hey, you trying to knock me
unconscious for some perverted
reason?
MICK
Oh I'm sorry too rough for you?
I'll be more gentle.
Audrey squeezes her locked legs and spins over on top of
Mick.
AUDREY
I'll show you rough.
She leans over and grabs one of Mick's mini baseball bats
from the wall.
MICK
I can't wait to see this.
She quickly rolls Mick over on his stomach and rears back to
shove the mini-bat...
CUT TO:
57 INT. THE BAR - NIGHT 57
Sunny is at the bar with and Buck. Dennis is sitting at a
table with the PHONE GIRL. She's young, kind of cute and
wearing a suit much like Dennis'.
BUCK
So that's the girl he met on the
phone. She looks like an
accountant.
SUNNY
I think she is one..
BUCK
D-man is going backwards.
Accountants never give it up.
Dennis walks up to the bar leaving Phone Girl at the table.
She lights a cigarette.
DENNIS
Sunny, I'm ready for the check.
We're wrapping up.
SUNNY
Not going well?
DENNIS
Quite the opposite! We're going to
my place to talk. It's too noisy
here.
SUNNY
Den I said find a girl who's
insides match you. Not a girl who
is you.
BUCK
You know accountants don't shave.
DENNIS
What?
BUCK
You know, down there. The isosceles
forest.
He points down.
BUCK (cont'd)
Me, I like a clear landing strip.
DENNIS
What the hell are you talking
about?
BUCK
I'm just saying wear your hip
waders cause it's likely to be deep
in there.
DENNIS
I don't think she's that kind of
girl.
Dennis pays, and turns for the table.
SUNNY
Hey Den, here's a tip, don't call
her a Bimbo.
Dennis flips him off as he goes back to the table. They
leave.
SUNNY (cont'd)
Maybe she does just want to talk,
she is an accountant.
BUCK
Nope, she's a smoker.
SUNNY
So?
BUCK
Everybody knows smokers put out on
the first date. It's in the rules.
SUNNY
You just said accountants never put
out.
BUCK
If they'll stick a cigarette in
their mouth they'll stick anything
in their mouth.
SUNNY
You really need to get another
hobby, Buck.
BUCK
Seriously, it's a science. Girls
with tattoos take it in the back
door, and body piercing means
they'll let you take pictures of
them naked.
SUNNY
Oh come on.
BUCK
I got the photo's to prove it.